Monday, March 11, 2013

Episode 76: Shitstorm

It started so innocently.

With a bloodcurdling squeak, Xeno leaped at the Count, knocking him backwards onto the large circular table. Sitting astride Fundus, the diminutive gnome then proceeds to take the Count's ascot into his quivering hands and starts churning - violently and percussively choking/bludgeoning the man with his own neckwear. 

Takemiya and the rest of DCM turned to witness Xeno's latest fit of inappropriate public behavior, and were surprised to see that the rest of the patrons of The Barking Spider seemed to take no notice. In fact, only one person patron being creature abhorrently nightmarish spectre seemed to take notice of anyone, and that was the growling, slavering, demonic two-headed infant that had started to claw its way malevolently up the sturdy oak leg of a table that currently held the supine (as opposed to prone - who knew?) and unmoving body of Xoe.

Xoe, for her part, was just as surprised as anyone to be looking down at her inert body from a spot some six feet above the table. Her first thought was "Oh, great - my head's ended up in a gravy boat..." Her second was "God, I hope it's not the eel gravy." It wasn't until she had mentally come to terms with all things gravy that she realized "Yikes! There's an abhorrently nightmarish spectre clawing it's way towards my supine-and-not-prone body! Oh, and I'm dead."

Takemiya was the next to notice things weren't adhering to a strictly reality-based unfolding... As he watched, the ascot-churning gnome worked himself into such a state that the Count's table collapsed. This finally caused one of the Count's dining partners to take notice and stand up. Only when he did, he kept standing up and up and up until he reached nearly nine feet of full-on frost gianty height. Takemiya felt the chill winds of north blow up his robe as he recognized one of the meaner and impolite frost giants of the northern wastes. 

Not to be deprived of an opportunity to save the day, Kobayashi acted with swift decisiveness and immediately rushed in to heal the towering giant. Aiming his Jade Hand at the giant's chest, the novice brought a contorted grimace to the giant's face as he clutched his heart and fell to his knees. 

A singular cry of "FOR AQVA SVLIS!" rose above the growing din, and a Sulian, who had apparently been enjoying a Swordhilter Rib Platter, rose up and hurled a spear at the giant. The spear stuck in his bicep, causing the giant even more distress. Ragnar leaped into the fray, but an unfortunate die roll meant that he ended the turn being nutted by the giant, and the last thing he saw was Kobayashi's floppy, ragdoll body flying into him after the giant swatted the young novice away like a little girl.

By now, Xoe was noticing that the evil baby had made its way onto the table and was lewdly clawing its way up her leg. Shocked and revolted, she floated down and tried to arrest its progress, only to find that her spectral hand passed through the thing. Mustering all her chi, Xoe reached in and tried to crush its tiny little cherrylike hearts.

She did..

Taking a bit of inspiration, Xoe reaches down to self-defibrilate her corpse back to life. I, your trusty DM, have now pretty much seen as much shit if not more than any other DM at this point in time, so I say 'Hey, sure. Why the hell not. Roll a 30."

I don't even have to look.

I know it's a 29.

Gasping and sputtering, Xoe comes to life

The lights flickered, and as Lil Sauron appeared to engage the giant (what the hell is happening here?) Kobayashi notices the satyr at the bar, as well as a phonebooth-shaped bottle behind the bar. The monk starts to piece together the fact that they are not dealing with reality here, but with someone or something tapping into the party's collective memories of their time on Lungfish Isle...

The lights darken, and the temperature drops. Xoe, now alive again again (again?) makes her way to the back of the tavern. She sees the Ladies' Room, only the symbol on the door is one of a reclining woman, a woman on fire.

Beyond is a luxurious bedroom, with a deep, dark red carpet. A canopied bed. The sound of someone breathing...

It grows darker still, and now the darkness is on Xeno, who stands up from the Counts lifeless body, letting the bloody ascot fall from his hands. A blackness forms in the middle of the room. A blackness with two eyes. They stare a Xeno. He stares back. As the chilling fear griops him, he feels his bowels turn to liquid and a painful cramp tells him he's pulled a Ragnar.

Only this time, there's no shit.

There's a spear.

A shining, silver spear and with one fluid, if not diarrhetic, motion Xeno flings the spear int the growing growling diamondlike heart of the dark and evil being...

And everything went white.

46% of island to DCM - 45 of quiet side + 1% that is DCMHQ

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