Thursday, October 26, 2017

(Time Across Space)

Hank washed his hands in the tiny sink. It was four in the afternoon, and the day was almost done. His arthritis was acting up, and he'd just about make it home for his meds before both his hands cramped up permanently.

He dried his hands and exited the restroom into the gift shop. Evelyn was selling tickets to a young couple and issuing them wristbands. Better get back to my post, he thought, and he hustled as much as his arthritis would allow. He passed the miniature monuments and the old'76 flags and the tiny jugs of maple syrup and went out onto the deck.

The Bennington Battle Monument was there as always, a stout reminder of one of the greatest battles in the Lizardman Wars. Der Chelonian Mobile was there as well, restored to close to its glory - with only a few repaired cracks and scorch marks left to tell the tale of its role in the epic battle.

There were a few kids still left at this hour, running frantically about, avoiding their parents. There was one guy on the deck of the ship looking around wide-eyed with wonder. He'd seen that look before - the look of amazement one gets upon seeing this site for the first time. The man looked the monument up and down, watching the kids for a minute before turning to face the gift shop. He made eye contact with Hank, and for a moment Hank saw the look of a man gone mad.

He looked the man up and down quickly, noting that he looked like some sort of period beaver trapper. Buckskin breeches, coonskin hat - was there a reenactment I today I didn't know about? Hank looked back up in the man's face, but by now the look had gone. The man looked around the park one more time, then retreated back to the interior of the ship.

Huh, Hank thought. If I didn't know any better, I'd think the poor guy was cracking up...

{Bridge Across Time}

Thor stormed into the mead hall in a fury. He swept Mjölnir across a table, knocking tankards and chargers hither and yon. Two-hundred-year-old mead splattered everywhere, dripping through the planks of the table. Fungår, Thor's boozehound, hauled himself up from his place in front of the fireplace and started to lap up the mead. "My work here is never done," he sighed to himself.

"WHERE IS THAT BROTHER OF MINE???" Thor bellowed. His words echoed off the stone walls, and as they did, one of the elk heads mounted here and there across the hall woke up, and started to speak.

"How do you make a pool table laugh? 
You reach into its pockets and tickle its balls!"

Thor whirled to face the elk, his face aglow with anger. The elk turned to face him, and gulped...

"Now. Is. Not. The. TIIIIIIIME!" The elk blenched in fear, then retreated to its dormant state. There was no point in telling jokes when the master was THIS upset.

Thor turned to see a tall, leggy redhead entering the hall. His anger abated almost immediately. He turned and opened his arms wide.

"Thrud, my dear, sweet daughter. What news do you bring from Midgard? Is it as bad as we fear?"

Thrud walked up to him and hugged her father, not without warmth. She pulled back, and he could see the lines of worry crisscrossing her face.

"It ain't good..." She had been spending too much time with humans, he thought. "Reality seems to be wearing off for some reason. The universes are relapsing."

Thor scowled. This was not good. They had worked so hard to bring things together after that band of fools had messed everything up. He had trusted them. But now it seemed their plan was a failure, and everything they had worked for was coming undone.

"This is not good, my daughter. We need to convene the Table of the Elders. Go to your uncle now. Tell him he must attend. Tell him I'm NOT fucking around."

Thrud blinked in shock. He had been spending too much time with humans, she thought. She reached up and gave him a quick kiss n his beard, turned on her heels and left. As he watched her leave the hall, for the first time he was worried about the future. Not only was the fabric of reality coming apart again, but his daughter was becoming a woman. A robust, shapely woman. Thor shook his head to clear his mind of the images that popped into his head, and instead reached into the fur pouch at his belt. He closed his eyes and asked the universe a question.

He drew three runes.

th,þ Thor
k Ulcer
m Man

He thought back to those idiots he'd asked to help with the whole "Universe unravelling" thing. One of them, a man, had made very obvious eyes at his daughter.

What in Hel was his name?

Thursday, September 28, 2017

[unpUbIi$Hed n0tE$ #4}

Ep 110

“I hate to have to kill you.”
“I hate to have to die.”

Dark Tower Outline
• 331-ton obelisk at Saint Peter's Square
• Walled Obelisk, Hippodrome of Constantinople
“Evil has always been fond of the obelisk. It’s indicative of the Industrial Phallic Complex.”
“Your penchant for chaos has kept you alive - until now.”

• Unctious/Kissyface
• LeSBians
• Temple of Elemental Evil
• Xoe-in-the-past


Episode 111: So Long, Farewell, Amen.

As everyone gathered on the ground around David, the wind finally began to pick up. Karl offered his hand to DTA who took it with a wince and allowed himself to be hoisted into a generally upright position. He gingerly brushed himself off and turned to David, not without a stifled groan.
   "Were you really going to fire that thing?" David bowed slightly, put his palms together and closed his eyes as he often did while speaking profundities.
   "Were you going to fire yours?" A couple of the others tittered into the backs of their hands,

David rolls 30 to hit Loca. Skulls him with a drop-forged wrench.

Circle stays together, Matt farts
Matt chooses 17

the circling wolves, chains.
Light tap on head and crumble.
Sweet release.

scragament 97: The Eventuality Prism

Xeno looked down at his wavering, transparent body. It was not at all what he expected to see. Ghost, he could handle. Tall, he had rather grown accustomed to of late. But githzerai, well - that was not at all what he was prepared for or willing to deal with.

"Why aren't you a gnome?" asked Kobayashi - who was looking a whole lot more solid - in fact, was the solidist, realest person in the group right now. Xeno felt a supreme peeve building up. Not only did he hate not having an answer for the dead monk, but even more than that he hated not having an answer for himself.

"I don't know, CHAOS??" He hoped that would mollify him. For the time being, it did.

Gigamesh turned the Crimson Tzar's tsotchke over and over in his hands. The porcelain bluebird looked mass-produced, and even for that fact, it looked a little sloppy. Why did it prey on his mind so? What the hell was it supposed to be? The Bluebird of Happiness? Ironic, that; he hadn't been happy in quite some time. Certainly not since they came to this place, not since Xeno's little 'accident'- and how could he continue to call it an 'accident' with a straight face?

Rodant was recounting every last detail of his incarceration, including the dubious details of how he had 'wrestled three guards to the floor before the fourth one got' him. Unlikely story, especially in this annoyingly law-abiding plane. He more likely succumbed to the tidal wave of paperwork that accompanied his arrest than any guards using physical. force.

They were approaching the three ships now, and Gigamesh looked up from the clay bird to see Xoe looking down from the deck of her ship - the one they called Dashiell - with a look of rare concern on her face.

"Hey guys. Is my brother with you?"
"Yes. I'm right here in fact."
"Sorry, you're a bit... transparent."
'That's nothing compared to how I feel..."
"Anyway, there's someone up here who's asking for you."
"Someone who can maybe tell me how to not be dead?"
"Well, no. A mind flayer. A really old one."
"Oh. Great."

Xeno climbed the rope ladder Xoe had lowered for the others. He may have been non-corporeal, but it didn't mean he had to act non-corporeal. He had always been able to affect his reality by doggedly denying it. Perhaps this was just another example. The others followed him up.

When he reached the deck, Xoe looked in her brother's non-corporeal eyes with a mix of confusion and even more confusion.

"Wait a minute... Why are you a githzerai?" Underneath the unfamiliar and unsettling visage of githzeraishness and ghostitude, a familiar, frenetic look passed over her brother's face. So much had happened in the last few hours. What the hells had he done now that even in death things were screwed up? He pushed past her in a huff of agitation and undeath.

"What does he want? How does he know bout me?'
"He didn't say," she half whispered, turning to follow him. "When Dashiell kicked him out of the lifejammer, he sort of started to weep, beating his fists on the floor and sobbing your name. It took us a while to get up the courage to ask him what was wrong..."

Xeno made his way to a room off the bridge. In it, a low palette held what appeared to be a sour, wizened illithid. Two rheumy eyes floated damply above a number of cracked, dry tentacles. They quivered in agitation when the group entered the room.

"What's this?" the old brain-sucker hissed at Xoe. "Where's Xeno?"
"I am here. Who dare asks?" The mind flayer looked nonplussed, which, if we were scoring on merit, nonplussing a mind flayer would be worth like, ten thousand points...
"Wait a minute... Why are you a githzerai?"

xeno challenges bergenheis
dodgeball chaos mushrooms
Spencer tries to strike and is frozen
kobayashi strikes and wins ff/gun/squirrel
meet Clavdivs and are confused
back to MindFlayer

[unpUbIi$Hed n0tE$ #2}

In what could easily have been the worst moment of the campaign to date, Eric finds himself talking to Bob Marley after devouring an entire plateful of mushrooms.

The walls of the Sulian cavern were thick with iridescent moss and weighty expectations as Eric was afforded this one opportunity to speak with one of the Many Faces of God.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW, MON?" His voice boomed as if through 1,000 really good amplifiers. Eric quavered. Alex chuckled. David knew it was all about to go to shit.

“Your mind is working at its best when you're being paranoid.

You explore every avenue and possibility of your situation
at high speed with total clarity.” 

Oddly enough, Eric rose to the occasion. "Where am I supposed to go next?"



Not at all what I expected.



Suddenly, Bob grew in size, up up up
stalagtites fall WHY?
Xeno hat
Saladin crush but stays together
Take regains consciousness - sense evil flowing West finds shelter
Eric - trippin ballz
Ragnar safely negotiates the slide
Xoe helps drag E to teh Big Vagina
Rosy light
Rag - senses tunnel, down wet warm. River/island, isdland/river
Santaigo. Cigars and ancient dead whale
"Last one in;s a rotten egg!"
Sploosh, sink, BLUB.
Xoe throws in knife, Loca'luongo emerges
Xeno tries to bugger him
Xeno explores stone tunnel, rolls 30.
Culvert out to route 279. Everyone real again.

[unpUbIi$Hed n0tE$ #1}

Thor busts in
Heading into star
Blonde valkryie entraps Alex rolls 30 she becomes Devoted
He is sitting on the couch when Porthos moves in, passes him a joint; passes to Athos, "tell me about that hill, Eldritch Mountain."
Xeno walks in, fuuu-
"We're here Xeno, and they say it was only 6 hours ago."
They decide to head to Mysty's (at Xeno's behest.) It's Xoe's night to work - Xeno takes a left to the oIron Stoat. They pass under a branches and X is attacked by Candycorn Ninja. He counterattacks and misses. Twice. Badly.
She hops down, Holth approaches and gets thigh-sphyxiated.
Aramis hits her with a sock full of nickels. She goes down in a spray of teeth and mascara.

He now heads into the gym. He's following Ray Charles, who overteps a couple.
Xeno heads out front, rolls a 3.
Is attackey by Nimoy - desks him on 3rd try. Tackles him over the desk, discovers he's Funduds - gets trhown to the wall, LN disaps. Piano ensues.
Kobayashi sees Neitschke and Mancini. He investigates the dead Korean.
Gigamesh follows Ray Charles (first right).
Philo takes second right, finds Cindy Brady, smokes her up.
Xoe decides to "walk through a Door". Walks between Robby's legs. Smells the enchanted Musk on Man-Funk. Xoe sees the wall of fire, ship heading into the sun.
Cosmic bead curtain.
Velvet curtains of the night and stars.
And Elven Fleet.
Ben gives schpiel: "The past that never was."
500 ships, invasion on last legs. Waited 2 weeks to see if deserved conquering, but alas, Xeno tool keft turn and stayed out of space, preventing invasion.

Crash land turtle ship on icy cricket pitch. Invited nback to meet Bob, Philo tkes huge mouthful of shrooms of silver platter from painted boy and sees Bob MaRLey who asks: "What do you want, man?"

The fate of the entire campaign rests in his hands.