Monday, August 20, 2012

Episode 68 Supplemental: So Long And Thanks For All The Fish

Abdullah Faloon was not a forgiving man. He had famously refused to forgive his mother the insult of calling him by his birth name in public. He'd had her flogged, dragged through the streets of Kolinahr by her hair, then locked in a tower until further notice.

He was five years old at the time.

So one shouldn't be surprised to know that no slight, however small, would go unpunished by the longtime Kaliph of Kolinahr.

A medium-sized slight might get your hometown razed to the ground.

A slight large enough that it could no longer be called a 'slight' - well, there are shit-proof fans in the Universe that would put their hands up and say, "Hey, man - you got me" right before perishing in a hailstorm of karmic diarrhea.

It was just this sort of 'significant' that was done to Abdullah Faloon by a pint-sized swindler in the  high-stakes casino known as 'The Gilded Thong'. The turtle ship wasn't the biggest or fastest ship in his considerable fleet, but it was his favorite. The Jewel in his Crown, if you will. He would hunt the spheres tirelessly until it was his once more and he had that gnome hanging from a spit in his own personal boudoir.

He'd been out of the Rock of Bral two weeks though, and he feared the scent was getting cold.

Then suddenly, as he was peering out into the cold, clear depths of wildspace, a strange, green vortex of scintillating light appeared forward of the dolphinship. And what should come streaking out of the spiral of chaotic mass but the familiar form of his beloved turtle ship...


The Battledjinn leapt up to the Kaliph's dais from his Lurking Station and cried out with great animation:  "Most Glorious and Ever-Powerful Kaliph of the Skies - Most Virile Oak of the Kolinian Soil - the turtle ship! It has appeared to us in the most curious fashion... What do you wish us to do?"

The great Kaliph dropped the sticky cluster of figs he'd been thoughtfully chewing and, wiping his tacky fingers on the expensive silken pantaloons of a nearby slave girl, he stalked purposefully toward the forward viewing screen, never for a second taking his eyes off of the miraculous vision that had appeared so improbably before him...

"Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering turtle; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee..."

The Battledjinn looked uncomfortably to the other functionaries assembled on the dolphin's battle deck. One didn't rise to prominence in the Kaliph's space armada by readily volunteering advice at crucial moments, especially when the Kaliph got 'the gleam' in his eye. The Battledjinn cursed under his breath.

"You... want... we should attack, O Great One?"

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Episode 68: Pop a Cork of Chaos IPA

Whilst elsewhere reigns the Chaos, Ben and Iryien have a frank discussion about the nature of the Universe, the Temporal Prime and Iryien's role as a Ranger. As Ben shows her a few select pieces from his collection, the two of them watch events unfold in Plank Town from the relative safety of Ben's Cauldron of Voyeurism...

They see the Frost Giant King, resplendent in the largest bearskin loincloth the world has ever known, charge at Xeno with his Very Large Hammer. But before any nervous sweat could be shed, Takemiya steps in and utilizes his Supa Grow Powa - completely sweeping him off his feet with a kick to the shins. Xeno deftly avoids the falling giant, and in a trice, stabs him in the ear...

Meanwhile, Billy has delivered a Bagged Fundus to Xoe, and while verifying that he is indeed the one in the sack, goateeslaps him. She then mounts the sack and exhorts Billy to drag the two of them to the rendezvous point east of town...

Holth, examining his bloody hand, discovers his Trigger Finger missing. He petulantly finishes off the guard on portcullis duty. As the nearly-retired father of seven fell through the hole he blasted through the floor of the guardway, Holth quipped "Well, at least I stopped his suffering," as he continues in toward the fracas.

In the dining hall, Ragnar comes to under a buffet table, and in a moment of classically poor DMing, discovers a Punt Gun. (DM's note: while it seemed like a good idea at the time, I'm pretty sure that it was the Imperial Black IPA talking. I mean, what was I thinking??? There's a friggin; GIFF outside!) Ragnar proceeded to heave the massive weapon filled with explosives and shrapnel out into the courtyard and give it to the recently-wounded, feeling-some-pain and definitely-due-a-good-die-roll Giff...

The melee raged and got compelling. SO compelling that Iryien, watching in rapt attention, leaned in a little too closely and interacted with the cauldron's Event Horizon and was sucked in...

...and tipped the balance of forces in Plank Town towards "Utter Chaos". 

While the Frost Giant King attempted to push himself up into a sitting position, he found himself being landed upon by a Ranger who, contravening what he thought of as normal, everyday principles, had fallen out of the sky. This was to be the nicest thing to happen to him for the rest of the day. For as his armed guards charged in to protect him, a growing field of Chaos began to interact wildly with everything within, say, a 50-foot radius of Xeno.

Genders changed, and suddenly Xeno, Takemiya and Iryien found themselves fighting a trio of Amazons. In a wild melee, Takemiya managed a swift kick to the Frost Giant's mouth, sending a spray of giant teeth from his mouth where they fell like ripe figs.

Between the giant's legs, Iryien was having a tough time dealing with the blonde in the giant's undercarriage. She had just enough time to grab the blonde and use her as a meat shield before the tooth avalanche was upon her...

           then  ...        the      
S-----------------------------------------------------> {97}

…                                  å∂ß