Wednesday, November 9, 2011

A New Wacko in New South Waco

Hello, dear readers - this is Honus Blaedewraithe coming to you from the newest realm on the One Two Seven - New South Waco! I'm sitting here with the hot new head in town, Koresh - who has catapulted into power by besting the former head of the former Sri Raji in single combat and now sits comfortably on the throne having defended his nascent realm from a trio of invasions, all on the same day! And as usual, your Honus is first on the ground with this rising star.

Nocturne in Black - When did you first realize you wanted to rule a portion of the Abyss?
Koresh - Thank you for asking, Honus. I'd like to say that the good entities of NSW have been incredibly supportive during this time of transition, and I'd like to extend my innardsfelt appreciation to everyone, especially those who took up arms in support of the cause. And I'd like to welcome the new members of our family, as well, from neighboring realms--welcome, new New Waconeers. This really is a family, where I am the father and you are all my children, to be loved and cherished, or alternately punished, according to your performance, which let me assure you is being reviewed at this very moment, as are your actions of this and every day, beneath my unceasing eye, which sees and knows all, unceasing, untiring, and aware of your every thought before its even fully formed. Anyhoo, for me, I guess it happened during a particularly gruesome battle not long ago, when I realized I was trapped in a cycle of never-ending depredation, mayhem and slaughter. I thought, there has to be more than this, right? And that's when I conceived the idea of a much larger, never-ending cycle of depredation, mayhem and slaughter.

NIB - Which of your powers/talents would you say was most instrumental in your ascension to the throne of Sri Raji (now known as NSW?)
K - As you may or may not know, I serve Chaos, and I've had a good run behaving in utterly unpredictable--some say incomprehensible--ways. In return, my Masters may or may not grant me something, or nothing, or take something away that I never even knew I had. It's fun! And it sure keeps everyone around me off-balance and in a constant state of near-panic. We have a good time.

NIB - Do you see yourself as an up-and-coming demonic overlord or as a quaint, provincial head of state?
K - Do not presume to understand me, pale wraith! For in New South Waco a new realm is forged! Was ever one born a humble venomous squidworm so angry? Nay, nay I say! New South Waco shall be as none before, and none alike shall come after for there shall be none with the balls, as if they attempt I shall crush them between two of our judiciously applied mighty hams. Already, we have effortlessly driven our enemies before us--listen! listen! Still you can hear the lamentations of their women! Look, now, look, and be afraid! All shall look upon me and despair.

NIB - Do you have any intention on ransoming Lord Fangwang back to Tiamat?
K - Here's a fun fact, Honus: Did you know that during the Liberation of New South Waco, I not only captured Fangwang's entire army intact and suborned them to my will, but I had Fangwang eat the head of Nyarla. That's a good question, though, and I appreciate it. Let me answer by saying that I think a lot of beings are going to be surprised by what I think are some of the really dynamic, paradigm-changing monetary and economic policies we're already working toward in NSW. You can expect us to be a veritable dynamo of innovation and invention in coming epochs, and I'd like to take this opportunity to personally invite you to come back to our New Ideas in New South Waco economic summit we have planned for next month. I think there will be takeaways on fiduciary control, infrastructure investment and broader central bank involvement in a tripartite realm that your readers will really appreciate.

NIB - Can you tell us anything more about the relationship between one of your commanders and Xxxena the Fertile?
K - We have some projects we're working toward together, and we do have a military liaison in place. Xxxena's a great, great gal and I wish her all the best.

NIB - A number of your neighbors have detected great power fluctuations from within your realm. Can you assure everyone that nothing, shall we say, 'unstable' is happening within your domain?
K - Oh no, I'd never say that. We have some serious high-energy magic going on over here and I'd hate for anyone to think we didn't know about it. We do have it fully contained, though, and as long as no one disturbs any member of the Ebon Circle in their concentration, there will be no chance of a cataclysm the likes of which has not been seen since the universe was a-borning. Actually, that's not entirely accurate--they tell me they have some containment release program and complete containment failure isn't possible; the problem is that what they release is some kind of Black Matter, and while you're OK when it goes up, it could come down anywhere. Literally anywhere! I mean, apparently anywhere in the multiverse! No--don't even try to ask me any more, I don't even really understand what I just said, I just know it'd be bad for someone. Most of this I inherited from Nyarla--she was into some seriously kinky shit, but I liked what I saw and threw some more eggheads at it. So, as even I don't know who all the members of the Circle are, we all go around pretty quietly.

NIB - And finally, what is your favorite color?
K - Wow, that's actually a hard one. Ummm...gray.

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