Episode 67: I think frankly when it comes to chaos you ain't seen nothing yet.

Holth couldn't help but notice his new employers were acting weird. Weirder than normal. After hiring on with the Hammer of Grapthar, he's been promised blood, guts and glory. But as a buxom human female let him in to the abode of Ben Firenze, he could see nothing but a bizarre, abberant softness and disorganization among the group who, while having paid him handsomely, had yet to really deliver on the entrails bit.

He was just about to knock some heads together when, rather encouragingly, talk soon sprung up about making an assault on a moderately-defended garrison town. Overwhelming odds. Fire. Sausages. Chaos.

All genius is the conquering of chaos and mystery.

While most of the finer details passed over his head, Holth was sharp enough to realize things were about to get interesting, especially when the young monk tried to 'Detect Harmony' and Xeno returned from having his Chaos maximized. Although he couldn't see anything particularly chaotic about him, Xeno did now sort of crackle with a frenetic energy that bordered on religious ecstasy.

Not that giff went in much for religion. Prayer was no good in a fight, and rarely helped keep your smoke powder dry. Best to swing hard, butt heads and double-wrap your pouch in snyzl skin. THAT you could count on. THAT you could trust.

At long last, DCM loaded themselves on the Grapthar and made the short trip across the island just after nightfall. They opted for the 3-prong attack - with Xoe and Takemiya attempting to reason their way into Plank Town and Holth, Kobayashi and Billy backing them up. Xeno would simultaneously assault the front gates singlehandedly, while Ragnar and the Guidos would wait for the signal before dropping in on the town from above.

Blame is just a lazy person's way making sense of chaos. 

Things started off well enough, as Xoe talked their way past a drunken guard and got the two of them into an antechamber where they met with an officious matron who had the ear of Fundus. Things seemed to be going well until Takemiya answered a question in a manner that was not to Matron's liking...

Xeno started off well enough, as the old 'flash the gold on the guard trick' gained him access to the town in less than 15 seconds. The guard was quickly stuffed into a broom closet with his riches, and Xeno moved into the town unnoticed. Biding his time until he saw heard the first signs of trouble, things seemed to be going well until he attempted to flame up the guardhouse. Instead of the screams of his enemies, Xeno got nothing but four guards in technicolor dreamcoats...

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny,

but chaos in the midst of order is.

Holth was bored. Diplomacy had never been his strong suit, and waiting around for others to talk was never a favorite tactic. Luckily for him, the imp they called Billy seemed even less of a tolerance for peaceful resolution, and he charged right through an outer wall and into the town. A shout, a scream, and a sickening splat later, Billy returned and announced that the game was afoot. Holth drew his wheellock pistols and charged towards the gatehouse. Things seemed to be going well, as Holth shot a guard through the knee and drew a bead on the second. Kobayashi hopped on Billy's shoulders and charged into the fray...

Ragnar peered down into the darkness. It was quiet. Too quiet. In the gloom, he could just make out the outline of the town. He silently wondered where his comrades were. Then a bizarre, multicolored twinkling near the front gate told him where Xeno was. The bright flash of small arms fire near the rear gate told him where Holth was. And the faint, distant thud of a human hitting a wall at high speed told him where Kobayashi was...

It was time to act.

Saladin swung the Grapthar in low, and Ragnar and the Guidos leapt into action, through a roof, and down three flights and into the mess hall, where two dozen soldiers were contemplating the cold buffet. Ragnar attempted a rage, but it ended up being as cold as the pork shoulder. Only the sight of Count Fundus himself, looking up from the the cookie tray, ignited the dwarf's battle fury. The Guidos extracted nickel-filled socks from dank, leathery trousers. Steak knives were raised in anger...

After years of searching, Aramis confronts Count Fundus...

There is an old Muralian adage that says "Be careful of that for which you are wishing; for it may soon be delivered unto you by a gnome." No one knows the originator of this aphorism, but one has to believe that he (or she) had dealings with gnomes on a regular basis.

Chaos is the name for any order

that produces confusion in our minds.

Xeno lurked in the shadow of a nearby rain barrel. He could feel something coalescing in the darkness around Plank Town. Something that seemed to flow through the streets like an invisible, fractal fog. What was it? Was it chaos? Could he reach out and touch it? Use it? From somewhere in the other side of town, he heard a scream, the sound of splintering wood and pistol fire. Recognizing the 'DCM Call to Action', he turned his attention to the guardhouse. "How about a little fire, Scarecrow?" Xeno raised his hands and started to incant, but as he did, tiny wisps of latent magic found their way across the grounds, drawn to Xeno like blind and violently magical salmon following the voiceless urge of eons inexorably towards their common source.

Somewhere in the multiverse, the Gods rolled a 1.

The violently magical salmon now became piranas - insatiably hungry piranas who have just discovered a lame nelore wading across a deep section of river carrying a lamb, a turkey and an overly-plump infant on it's back.

Chaos is inherent in all compounded things.

Strive on with diligence.

They struck, and the Matron drew the chopsticks from her hair...

They struck, and Kobayashi rode on Billy's shoulders, straight into a wall...

They struck, and Fundus collapsed under the weight of an attacking Guido...

They struck, and one of Holth's pistols exploded, fouling the weapon and his right hand...

They struck, and Xeno began to glow and sparkle, like a disco inferno...

They struck, and Billy dragged a human-shaped bundle into the courtyard...

Somewhere in the multiverse, the Gods rolled another 1.

They struck, and the King of the Frost Giants, having just lost two hours of his life to the ceaseless droning of a contemptible human priest, emerged from the dank and stuffy church to find the murderer of his beloved friend and pet dragon 'Floéffî' prancing about the courtyard like a goddamned fairy...

He slowly dropped his hand to the handle of Låévateinn, the very large two-headed hammer (+5 vs. gnomes, strikes first in every round, all damage dealt is permanent) he always kept by his side. Someone was going to pay. Someone was going to pay dearly.