Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Episode 46: Koresh Bobs His Hair

Captain Bonkers blinked.

Dolorous sighed.

The egg came to rest, yet everything else was set in motion...
Even as Captain Bonkers set into the egg with his Axe of Unusual Size, the Universe was setting up the pins to fall. Bonkers heaved, the axe arced forward and...


The egg cracked. It opened up. And out flowed a wave of octarine light.

Riding that wave, like the Bethany Hamilton of The Abyss, was Koresh. A grassy path flowed from under his feet. Flowers bloomed wherever he stepped. A small throng of curved-blade wielding followers surrounded Koresh and awaited His word in order that they might do His bidding.

"Let's go in." saith Koresh.

So they went in.

The Enigma, Captain Bonkers and Dolorous Haze followed, cloaked in fear and trepidation. What had come over Koresh? Was he THAT much closer to apotheosis? If we continue to make sniggering comments about his height, will his followers fall upon us in a murderous, holy rage?

And where WAS Stonehenge?

All these questions quickly left everyone's mind once they stepped inside the temple. It was quiet. TOO quiet. After all, a quarter of the rear portico had been destroyed by Koresh's sneeze - didn't this place have guards?

Dolorous found out quickly that it did. Only they weren't exactly among the living. The first one she encountered was lying in a pool of blood and was neatly sewn up the back with a heavy gauge pink thread. The Enigma found one that offered at least a little resistance - but when it tried to employ a blowgun, blood sprayed from a series of clever perforations in its chest to spraypaint a smiley face on the marble floor. The Enigma and Dolorous pondered at what kind of fiend could commit such bizarre (yet stylish) crimes on two poor, defenseless evil temple guards.

Koresh just sent his bodyguard into the next room.

The next few minutes found the party confronting a REALLY powerful sun disc, a very scantily-clad woman on a tapestry and the clamorous din of battle as Koresh's guards discovered the part of the temple guard who hadn't already been horribly (yet stylishly) slain. One brief bit of battle later, the field was won, and as The Enigma quietly reconnoitered the side chamber of the temple, Koresh pressed on through the main doors and found...


The vile and contentious master of Sri Raji opened the doors and entered the room. He was obviously caught up in his own thoughts: wrapped in a robe and toweling off his orange and furry face, he barely had time to register the scene of carnage before him. With one swift, feline motion he dropped his towel, swore under his breath and turned to flee the room. He got almost 15 feet into the next room before Koresh pounced at the opportunity and leveled his Forked Finger of Doom. "Take THIS," he purred, as he unleashed a fiery, icy twist of destructive power straight into the evil lord's back.

Then he rolled a 30.

Neither Koresh, nor the realm of Sri Raji would ever be the same again...

1 comment:

  1. You know, it's painful to bring a well-rounded, fully badass villain to the table only to have him wiped out while still in his jammies...