Thursday, March 3, 2011

Episode 28: As Gertrude Stein said, "A One is a One is a One."

Xeno stomped towards the Temple. He was fed up. He wanted answers. And no one was going to stop him. No one but the orange dragon that exploded out the temple's double doors, taking bits of wood, plaster and stone with it, that is.

Fortunately, Xeno's recently highly-developed sense of non-causal reality had prepared him for this, and he was, with the deftest of backflips, able to avoid the steaming freight train of teeth, talons and wings and land safely on his feet, out of harm's way.

Less so was his ability to process the large, metallic horseless carriage that shot out of the temple in pursuit of the dragon. Rolling at high speed on four tires, covered in a myriad of colors and skeletal motifs, and bearing the words 'Grateful Dead' down the side, Xeno was caught off guard just enough to fail to notice the large leather satchel that was dislodged from the top of the vehicle.

It landed on his face. And would have killed him, too, if not for the intrepid healer Kobayashi Jones, who leapt forth from the cowering band of cohorts to remove the satchel from Xeno's face, thus sparing him from a gruesome death by drowning, smothering and bone fragment inhalation.

By this time, however, the rest of DCM was shaken out of their fearful stupor by the fact that the dragon was now turning towards them (pursued by a bus). Fortunately, Saladin (in death hawk form) was grazed by the dragon (who then expired midair), knocked into the bus (windshield, that is) and met Iryien's mom (who was not happy to see him).

Takemiya utilized his SUPA GROW POWA to snatch the dragon's falling corpse by the tail just before it crushed a slow-to-react-Longbottom. Unfortunately, due to die rolls, timing and inertia, the innards of the dragon paid no mind to Takemiya's heroism and proceeded to nearly drown the slow-to-react-Longbottom in muscle, sinew and innards as they shot out the dragon's mouth.

It was just at this point where another deadly Timestorm arrived and threatened to suck our heroes into yet another timeline altogether. But some quick thinking by Xoe (using a rarely utilized lasso proficiency), and enormous length of sheep-filled dragon intestine and the rear axle of a Grateful Dead tour bus tethered our heroes to the plane just long enough for Ben to arrive, pull them into the Temporal Prime and set them on the path (at last!) to wrapping things up. All that was required was tossing a Temporal Mine into Saladin's path, preventing him from leaping through the stained glass window and crashing into Iryien, thus fracturing an already fractured T/S Continuum beyond all hope of repair.

Ben opened a portal and Xeno crept towards it with the mine in his hand. History forgets how exactly the ensuing events transpired*, but suffice it to say that somehow, Xoe lost her grip on Xeno as she tried to assist him in getting the mine out into the temple. Xeno then hit the Elemental Throne at exactly the wrong angle**, possibly with the Temporal Mine***, and all hell broke loose.

The next thing anyone but Takemiya knows, they are floating in the crystalline clear Elemental Plane of Air, soaking wet and smoldering slightly. It would seem that someone**** blew a hole into all four elemental planes at once, and Takemiya pulled everyone out of the gouts of flame through the geysers of water and into the Plane of Air. There, everyone learned that Takemiya was a Janni, a genie who is at home on all four elemental planes. They also learned that Takemiya had a distant cousin who resided in a large, billowing palace of silk by the name of Caliph Ali Bhagwan Shri Rashneesh. The Caliph was very happy to see his distant cousin and has taken in the group, is seeing to their health and recovery, and is bestowing upon them many and various boons.

Let us see how long this lasts...

* Somebody rolled a 1.

** Somebody else rolled a 1.

*** Very damn probably with the Mine. I mean, he exploded an artifact. One I took great pains to construct as the nexus of a whole multi-session campaign. Weeks of careful planning, gone. Thanks, guys. Thanks a LOT.

**** Xeno.

No comments:

Post a Comment