Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Episode 9: Of Catapults, Kidneys and Cigars...

What a night.

The majority of DCM Enterprises had weathered a firestorm from above and were now headed home in the Mini Pearl. Holth had a new scar to show off to the girls. Xeno had a dozen butterflies who now called him 'Mommy'. And Kobayashi had a knack for casting Detect Harmony just a wee bit late.

Upon their arrival back at DCMHQ, they find Xoe sharing shome schnapps with Porthos and Aramis. She takes Xeno aside for some whispering before informing the crew that she's discovered the existence of a group of ninja assassins in Port Harbor with a penchant for striped leather outfits. Luckily it seems that Xeno's recent burst of overreaction has eliminated one of them in the form of the former Pomegranate Shen.

DCM then resolves to get a good night's sleep before heading up to deliver the traps and warmwire to Maximinus Thrax. It's a good thing, because no trip aboard Der Chelonian Mobile goes unpunished, it would seem...


All was going well the next morning - clear Septomber skies pushed Der Chelonian (in Kobayashi's maiden Spelljamming voyage) quickly out and around Lungfish Isle and past 'Cuzzin' Cooter's Clothing Optional Island Getaway'. But that's when (naturally) the trouble started...

Surrendering to the demands of good hygiene, Iryien was trimming her toenails in the crow's nest when an armada of three pirate ships approached from the southwest. By the time the hue was cried, the three viking dromonds were utilizing full sail and oar to bear down on our heroes. Putting the pedal to the bamboo, Kobayashi gave every effort to flee at top speed, but these pirates had a good head of steam and were closing fast. Action needed to be taken, and Saladin and Xeno started to mutter.

As the first spiky object flew Der Mobile's way, Dermobile's crew scrambled into action. Bows, wands and long, shiny tubes filled with explosive powders and lead projectiles were trained on the attackers. Takemiya donned the Helm of Telepathy in order to delve into the minds of the ferocious Eel Pirates, only to brain himself with the metal helm and knock himself unconscious. Iryien fired off a few quick rounds with mixed success, and Holth let loose a gout of pelleted Hell, wounding several and shearing off a mast.

At that point, the pirates got in a lucky shot (as 20s and 1s fell like ripe figs) and an Iron Hedgehog clanged violently into the stern of Der Mobile. Rusty shrapnel, probably dripping with tetanus, whizzed across the back deck and perforated much of the crew. Iryien found her +3 Plate (and a kidney) pierced. Holth gained yet another scar. And Xeno was so peppered by the Hedgehog's needley spawn that Death Himself appeared, smoking a pipe and watching with mild interest from the Crow's Nest.

But the gnome's "Never say die quietly" attitude soon kicked in, and he teamed up with Saladin to turn the tables on the pirate attackers. At first, Saladin's misdirected Gust of Wind" caused Xeno's Acid Rain to scatter ineffectually. He then attempted to blast the pirates with ice, but his backpack had run out of charges. Instead, Xeno was left cursing his pinky finger and lack of foresight.

Meanwhile, in the hold, the screams of her comrades caused Xoe to leap to the rescue, literally. She gathered up a number of healing potions and poultices and hurried out the door. Unfortunately, the Dice Gods intervened once more and caused her to trip and fall onto the pots and vials she was carrying. Pottery shattered and pierced her skin. Viscous fluids entered her bloodstream and intermingled. Strange chemistries gave her immune system an incredible burst - doubling her hit points and giving her incredible strength. Unfortunately, it also unbalanced her metabolism to the point where she overheated, stripped off all her clothes and rushed above decks to fight off the pirates with her bare... hands.

All combat froze for the three seconds it took for the angered and bloodied gnome to streak across the rear deck and take a flying leap from the ship. Jaws dropped and pirates cringed. The only one to react was Takemiya who intuitively reached out.... and grew! Three, four, five times his size and up until he could reach the naked gnome and pluck Xoe out of the sky. He gently set down the gibbering gnome (check that, the other gibbering gnome) and began to ponder his own plight of largesse.

At this point, the pirates suddenly took to oar and began to beat a hasty retreat. At first, the crew of Der Mobile thought they were perhaps greatly offended by gnomish gnudity. But further investigation revealed a solitary man in a rowboat towing the carcass of a dead fur whale approaching Der Mobile from the north. The pirates were in no mood to hang around, and fled immediately. The lone sailor approached slowly, and when he neared Der Mobile he stopped rowing, stood and hailed the crew.

Smoking a cigar, the stranger introduced himself as Santiago. He seemed to know some of the crew, and invited everyone to follow him to his residence and partake in a feast of whale. Broken and battered, the crew gratefully accepted and prepared for an interesting evening...

No comments:

Post a Comment