Episode 94: To Infinity and Beyond

"Not only did you break the game, but you broke the set of perceptions that would allow you to know that the game has been broken."

From the desk of Ingnatious Prim, Esq.

Senior Reprobate, Second Class

The Naugahyde Cotillion

To the emissaries of the following deities:

_____________

_________

____ ______________ (Long May His Beard Reign)

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_ __ ___ The Ever Mightie

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Report 42, Code 1-1 C.

It's happened again.

The Desk has informed me that The God Squad has been reactivated, with one ore two disturbing alterations.

To whit:

Xeno --> KORESH No change, unfortunately. Still alive, unfortunately.

Xoe --> DOLOROUS HAZE Whereabouts unknown. Last seen in the company of semi-deity Iryien wearing a few strips of tinsel.

Takemiya Smith --> THE ENIGMA Surprisingly resilient, the Enigma has returned to form with all powers and facilities intact. 

Saladin --> STONEHENGE Missing and presumed dead.

Kobayashi Jones --> THE JADE SCARAB This poor guy. The Vectrometer indicates that his most recent transformation has brought him to the edge of Total Personality Dissolution. By comparison, a schizophrenic hydra has a better chance of keeping it together.

Ragnar the Impetuous --> CAPTAIN BONKERS Missing and presumed lying drunk somewhere, stewing in his own soiled trousers.

Holth --> THE DEATH OF GIFF Just Plain Missing.

The Desk has also detected two new hemi-deities that - and this is the important part - were NOT created by the Cotillion. They are to be considered uncontrolled and dangerous. Even moreso than the others, if one can believe it. Current theoretical projections speculate others were caught up in the Improbablarity and transformed. More information will be revealed when gathered.

There is also... another being. The Desk cannot quite determine what it is, but it seems to be a multi-demensional being heretofore unknown or undetected by the Cotillion. Probably an anthropomorphic manifestation of some great cosmic principle, but we'll need to locate them more specifically in order to determine whether or not this being constitutes a threat. Perhaps it can be swayed by the Cotillion to side with us in order to rein in the God Squad.

The nearest we can tell, the Squad has shifted to the outer planes, in one of the more Lawful regions. The Desk is trying to dodecangulate their position now, but it may take some time. As a precaution, the Cotillion asks that all relevant deities take precautions and exercise care until the true nature and extent of this new threat can be determined and, if necessary, eliminated.

Yours,
I. Prim