The cosmos swirled around everyone as the blackness opened up and swallowed. Rotating whorls of light and (possibly) the beginnings of new Universes spun this way and that. Captain Bonkers found himself stretched impossibly thin as his feet were pulled at near-light speeds towards a particularly close-knit group of portals...
Good thing his head was closer than most.
With extreme effort, he guided his feet towards a highly blue-looking portal. Two other unrecognizable party members seemed to, in their spaghettified and blueshifted state, consciously follow him towards their unknown fate.
The rest of the party split up and disappeared...
As the three shot through the portal at breakneck speed, the Jade Scarab closed his eyes and quickly summoned forth his inner Qi, using it to open The Third Eye of Emerald Openness. He peered through the portal and thought: "Wow, that's a LOT of hard, stony ground and it's coming on really qui-"
The Scarab hit the ground with a sound like a cow hitting the Great Wall at terminal velocity.
Dolorous bounced twice before landing in a pile of crumpled wings, smeared mascara and delicate chainmail accessories. The Captain landed rather deftly on his feet, and celebrated appropriately with arms thrust skyward, screaming his tribe's ancient battle cry:
Behind him, the Jade Scarab died.
But all was not lost. It didn't take long for the Captain to sense something.... amazing. Underneath him, there were rivers. Living rivers of gold. Proto-gold. The essence of gold. Bonkers could hear it's heartbeat filling his ears, burrowing hotly under his fingernails.
He wanted it badly. He needed it. He invented the Cadillac in his head just so he could get outrageous rims for it with all the money he'd have if he could just... dig... it...
Up.
Three things happened next, and all at the same time.
Dolorous tried to cast a spell in order to save the Scarab. The Scarab's soul, however, had already vacated the premises and had drifted miserably along to a point on the ground where the fabric of reality seemed to be thinning...
...which was because, while Dolorous wasn't exactly the best spellcaster in the world, her new demonic prowess allows her a certain leeway when it comes to the veil between the worlds...
...which Bonkers was looking to pierce with his double-headed axe, in order to get to the fantastic riches he could hear swimming below the surface of this vaguely familiar-looking rocky hillside...
So as Bonkers' axe broke through to the sentient proto-gold, it did so right where the Scarab's disembodied soul was lurking. Things exploded. Mingled. Congealed.
The next thing you know, the Jade Scarab had been resurrected as a 40-foot tall Living Proto-Gold Golem...
...which was because, while Dolorous wasn't exactly the best spellcaster in the world, her new demonic prowess allows her a certain leeway when it comes to the veil between the worlds...
...which Bonkers was looking to pierce with his double-headed axe, in order to get to the fantastic riches he could hear swimming below the surface of this vaguely familiar-looking rocky hillside...
So as Bonkers' axe broke through to the sentient proto-gold, it did so right where the Scarab's disembodied soul was lurking. Things exploded. Mingled. Congealed.
The next thing you know, the Jade Scarab had been resurrected as a 40-foot tall Living Proto-Gold Golem...
And because the Universe (at least the one occupied by Koresh, anyway) can never leave well enough alone, Dolorous discovered something sitting on the ground, right about the time crossbow bolts started to fly.
There was a cone of cold. Screams. And someone rolled a 1...
#dammit
#hateyouall
#backtothedrawingboard
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