Episode 107: Saurian Days

When we last met, David, DTA, Karl, Kate, Josh and Alex had emerged from a culvert that began in the moist and damp thermal tunnels underneath Aquae Sulis and ended somewhere underneath a section of 279 East in Bennington, Vermont.

A plan was drawn up to make the short hike through the woods to North Bennington via the Silk Road Bridge. It was a very hot & muggy evening, and the woods provided some relief from the heat (and thankfully little malaria). Cutting down Austin Hill Road to Murphy Road, the area seemed devoid of people and traffic...

But when the group reached the Silk Road Bridge, they soon discovered where everyone was. The bridge, as well as the embankment on the far side of the river, was crawling with lizard people. It was as if the whole neighborhood had turned out and was sunning themselves in the late afternoon heat. Everyone froze, and a hasty upstream river crossing was planned (and executed) without incident.

The group made their way stealthily to to where North Bennington turns the corner to Water Street, only to find another surprise: the old brick factories were gone. Shining, new uber-chic apartment buildings were there instead, and none of the third-tier "made in America" blue-collar squalor remained. No trailers. No dog shit. No broken-down trampolines clutters anyone's front yard.  

Clearly, something big had gone wrong.

The group scurried up Hillside Street as they heard a vehicle approaching. They managed to duck into some bushes just as a pickup truck turned off Water Street and headed up the road towards them. An old-timey lizardman in a double-bed pickup truck rambled past them, but not before hitting a bump in the road which (quite improbably) dislodged the Saurian Disruptor 300 from his gun rack and deposited it rattling in the middle of the road. As Josh and DTA looked over the weird, futuristic weapon, Alex picked up on the sound of someone taking bow and arrow practice in their side yard.  

Stepping lightly from one universe to the next, Alex returned with a compound bow of his own, and soon was involved in a shootout with a 9-year-old lizardgirl who had taken up a defensive position behind a maple tree of some considerable girth. Alex clattered an untrained warning shot off the maple tree, some 4 feet above her head. She plunked him dead in the sternum with a pink camo arrow, sending him toppling over and down in a wheezing red mist with a punctured lung.

Karl tried to ameliorate the situation with kind words and deeds, and took an arrow to his shoulder for his troubles. And while Josh leaped to the rescue with some emergency triage, DTA unleashed the Saurian Disruptor 3000 on the poor girl and erased her from this (and many other) universes.

It was then that a cloaked craft of some sort appeared above DTA and netted him from the sky. Five lizardpolice emerged from the vessel and repelled down to the ground - but thanks to Josh and his curiously emergent handgun, four of them hit the ground dead. The fourth, however, reached the ground in a trained attack crouch, drew some sort of futuristic pistol of his own, and everything went blue...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When everyone next awoke, they were in a worn, gray laboratory. Everyone was strapped to lab tables that were tilted to almost vertical. A door opened, and a lizardnurse walked in, pushing a small cart. Without acknowledging the party, she smacked her forehead as if forgetting something, turned and left the room. The cart she was pushing continued forward a few feet until it came to rest near DTA.

After discovering that the cart contained a number of "Class III Anal Probes", DTA used one to pry himself free from his table. He quickly freed the others and they armed themselves with the probes and awaited the nurse's return. When she came through the door carrying a Class IV Anal Probe, she was promptly bludgeoned to death and divested of her probe. Her body was hidden and the party escaped out into the hallway.

Once there, they found a stairwell leading up to the right, five doors to their left, and at the top of the hallway wall, a small window open to the outside. What they saw there stopped them in their tracks: the Bennington Monument - covered in green scales...

By the looks of it, they were under what was once the gift shop. To their left were a couple restrooms, an office with a touchscreen desk, and what looked to be a records room. After a brief scuffle with a lizardman janitor (who had surprised and mildly concussed young Alex), the party entered the records room only to make a startling discovery.

There, out on a work table, lay extensive and detailed charts and diagrams detailing all the tests, probes and physical characteristics of every member of the party. It appeared that the lizard people were very concerned with verifying the identities of everyone involved.

That was all the motivation the party needed to destroy every bit of data on themselves.

They had no sooner finished destroying all the records when the trooping of boots could be heard - security was on its way. Everyone quickly fled out a door at the rear of the records room and found themselves in a beautiful memorial park filled with flowering bushes, ornamental trees, historical placards and...

The burned-out hulk of Der Chelonian Mobile.

It was cordoned off behind a tastefully-draped chain fence. Cast iron placards referenced the "Lizardman Liberation" and the "Turtle Battle of Bennington". These glimpses were all that the party could catch, however, as they skirted the chains and took refuge in the battered relic.

A quick inventory showed that much of Der Mobile's armaments were gone - and what was left behind had been placed under glass and labeled. The ship's spelljamming helm had also been removed - but in its place, a tarnished metal plaque displayed the following message:

Episode 106: The Bridge Over Time

When last we met, the following things happened:

I. Too many coffee tables were brought

II. It resulted in two rolling domains: Heaven & Hell
III. This Quite Obviously Favored The Players
IV. Although at first, the rolls were a little dicey.
V. Eric answered Bob's Big Question.
VI. "Where am I supposed to go next?"
VII. "FIND THE HOUSE OF GOD" saith Bob. "WEST, OVER THE BRIDGE OF TIME."
VIII. Earthquake!
IX. Stalactites falling everywhere.
X. Takemiya flees successfully.
XI. Saladin does not.
XII. Kobayashi sees a bifurcation of Time, chooses wisely.
XIII. XENO and that godsforsaken, much-loved, probably best hat in D&D history.
XIV. XOE keeps her shit together, no matter what's going on around her.
XV. The V stands for Vagina.
XVI. Eric tripping balls, unable to move.
XVII. X&X move E to the rosy pink light emanating from the giant stone vagina.
XVIII. Ragnar strolls through 'a light rockshaker with minimal precipitation'.
XIX. Everyone (even Saladin) gathers in the big pink nook and Heads the Fuck In.
XX. Away we go.
XXI. "Down Seems Right," says the dwarf. Water.
XXII. An underground river with a stone island.
XXIII. A river of stone with an island of water.
XXIX. LAST ONE IN IS A ROTTEN EGG!
XXX. Because Xeno.
XXXI. (no one else jumps in)
XXXII. (Xoe kind of tries to throw him a lifeline)
XXXIV. Things get dar and murky
XXXV. Oh, look. It's Loca’Luongo, the Lizardman Lich of Lungfish Isle!
XXXVI. He sees all. And Knows.
XXXVII. Xeno tries to bugger him, kind of succeeds.
XXXVIII.  "Oh, look. A tunnel!"
XXXIX. Rolls a XXX.
XL. Everyone is themselves. In Bennington.

Episode 105: Break On Through

It all started back on Yggdrasil - what with Thor raising the hue and cry again - "We're heading into that bloody star! All hands on deck!" In the scramble out in the hallway, Alex has a Valkyrie stumble and fall at his feet. he tries to help her out, but in a lightning-fast twisting of blonde hair, plate mail and the smell of honey and blood, he finds himself pinned to the wall, two feet off the ground.

"What... do... you .... want?" she hisses, deep blue eyes threatening rain. Alex lets out a weak gurgle before collapsing to the floor, threatening to fall unconscious. But something in his limp, piteous frame strikes a chord on the warrior-maiden's heart. Something that compels women of all backgrounds to cuddle and nurture wounded animals everywhere...

He rolled a pity 30.

Somewhere in the universe, a crack appeared. The stresses and strains of years of DCM's collective mayhem had been building and building, and at this time, in this when, the load was just too much - the blow was just too pointed.

The crack widened, and the Other started to seep in...

His head was pounding, throbbing from the blow he took when his head hit the wall - man was this chick fit... He was starting to feel a little lightheaded, a little stoned even (shit, I hope I don't have a concussion) when Porthos hands him a joint.

"What do I want? I want you to tell me about that hill - Eldritch Mountain." He's sitting on a couch. Athos is to his left, eye on the joint. "Yeah, man" he rasps, waiting his turn at the roach. "I heard you guys got into some crazy stuff before we joined on."

Alex looked from Athos to the joint, then up to Porthos, who was standing above him expectantly. A quick glance around told him he was back at DCM headquarters. The Guidos? Hell, they hadn't been heard from in days? Weeks? Yet here they were, talking to him and passing around a joint. what the hell was in this stuff, anyway?

Right about then, the front door opened, and Xeno walked in. seeing the gathering ar the couch, he skidded to a halt and looked around in thinly veiled exasperation. Alex stood up and began talking in the loud, slow monotone of someone trying to explain something to a deaf, idiot child. "HEY XENO. IT'S ME, ALEX. I WAS JUST TALKING TO THE GUIDOS HERE. THEY SAY WE'VE BEEN HERE AT DCM HQ FOR ABOUT 6 HOURS. ISN'T THAT INTERESTING?"

Something in Alex's tone got through the fear and surprise. Xeno snapped to.

"What night is it?" he blurted out, spittle spittling. "Why," Aramis' eyebrows furrowed. "It'sa Wednesday." "Good. Xoe's night at Mysty's. Let's go."

Xeno turned on his heel and shot out the door. He was surprised to find not only Alex and the Guidos, but Takemiya and Holth had joined him as well. Takemiya was looking confused. He said as much while trying to keep up with Xeno.

"Something's wrong. And it's probably Alex's fault. Last thing we all knew, he was getting fawned over by that valkyrie and WHAM! we're all here - months in the past. Eldritch Mountain? The Chaos Star? Shit's getting real - or unreal - and we have to find a way to to outsmart it. 

Xeno pulled up short at an intersection. He looked at the street signs. It was kind of nice seeing Port Harbor not on fire and being attacked by illithid dreadnoughts again. Somewhere one of his vertebrae tingled...

"Change of plans. We're off to the Iron Stoat."

The group took the left-hand path and didn't quite notice the faint, radiant shimmer like a nighttime mirage as they passed under a natural tree archway in the road. A brief, faint hiss precedes the burst of pain that erupts from Xeno's shoulder just before Holth yells "Get down!" Xeno whirls to see the candycorn Ninja poised in the branches above, ready to strike again. A small knife, the twin of the one now sticking out of Xeno's numb shoulder, sits in her hand like a deadly pigeon. The others fade into the background, silent. There's just the two of them in all the world...  

Xeno rips into his bodice and whips out a pair of knives - far pointier and far poisonier than the frail thing the Ninja has troubled him with. He unleashed the pair of them at her, spewing epithets and vile curses. The knives clatter harmlessly into the treetops, each one missing their mark by a hippo's width. The Ninja looks at the holes they chopped through the canopy with bemusement. Then, nimble as a cat who's spent a lifetime taking nimble lessons, she flips, cartwheels and flips again, and is soon crushing Holth's larynx between her powerful thighs. Holth's knees buckle and as he gasps for air and his vision starts to fade, Aramis steps in with a sock full of nickles and pops the ninja full on the mouth. She goes down in a spray of teeth and mascara, and the sound the molars make as they clatter off the cobbles sound just like the tik tik tik  of the cymbals of "The Doors" drummer as "Break On through" starts to play. Xeno looks up, experiences the now familiar mix of bewilderment and resigned exhaustion, and noticed one costumed partygoer dressed like Ray Charles. He's in the middle of the gym, but soon heads over towards the locker room, deftly stepping over a couple who are making out at the top of the key. 

"Here goes my vertebra again," thinks Xeno as he heads in the opposite direction and out through the front of the gym. He ducks into a classroom only to be assaulted by the man in the Leonard Nimoy mask. Xeno hurls desk after desk at the assailant, and on the 3rd try hits him full in the face, knocking him onto the teacher's desk. 

Xeno leaps and lets the fight take him over. He pins the madman down on the desk, rips off his mask and discovers... "FUNDUS!" The man's eyes are in a rage as he produces spittle of his own. "I really am beginning to hate you...." before flipping Xeno into the wall and knocking him out cold.

Meanwhile in the gym, Alex sees Ray Nitschke and "Boom Boom" Mancini come from the locker room. He discovers a dead Korean in the coaches' office...

Gigamesh follows Ray charles into the locker room as he bears right and passes through a handful of teens, smoking, chatting, making out.

the Philosopher carries his bone of glass into the locker room and, taking the second row, finds Cindy Brady sitting, smoking a joint in her pigtails. "What do YOU want," she lisps petulantly. This just presses more than one of the philosopher's buttons, and he sits down next to her and simply says, "You."

Xoe, however, is suffering from a burden of clarity. Maybe it's being almost naked amongst all these teenager, but her senses are a little on edge and she's thinking almost too clearly. "Walk though the door..." she whispers. Hmm. well, Robbie looks about the right height. She walks up behind him, duck ever so slightly, and just as he busts into the solo from 'Light my Fire", she walks between his legs and smells the musk of universal manliness and feels the heat of his fire oh my his fire is LIT and there's a great green wall of burning fire and is fire supposed to be green, I mean wait, it's purple and oh my god we're falling into the star...

The ship felt light under their feet - as if it was made of light. All around them, the star was like a great, cosmic bead curtain - flickering and tickling them with orangepurplegreen light.

Then nothing. Nothing but space and a fleet of Elven ships.

"Five hundred, to be exact." Ben again. They were all standing on an observation deck. David, Kate, Alex, Karl, The Other David and Eric. Eric had a noticeable hickey. "This was supposed to be an invasion force. The Ice Elves. They're from the eight planet in this system and their world is dying. they were going to knock this planet senseless, had they seen sign of any spelljamming this far in. You were supposed to trigger an attack by your exploration of your local space. You were supposed to do a lot of things in space." Ben looked at David with a look of disappointed exhaustion. But then he smiled. "But you were never good at taking a hint." 

"The past that never was. An aborted universe. We're seeing just a few of the possibilities - a few of the things you set in motion when you and your group started meddling with this." He held up a d30 between his thumb and forefinger. "And it would appear that the only way out, is through..."

They sat back down at the gaming table. there were muffins all over the floor. "Everybody roll a 30" said Ben, and as they all took turns rolling and attempting telekinesis, Alex picke up the original green 30, the one with the overprinted 1 and rolled a 30 and everything fell out of the bottom and the ship was falling out of the sky...

"Brace yourselves!" called Takemiya from the helm as everyone grabbed onto the rigging atop Der Chelonian as it plummeted to the icy continent below. Ragnar looked grim as is his wont (being a dwarf) and Saladin was already starting to shiver. But as the ship headed towards what looked like a cricket oval etched onto the surface of a glacier, Takemiya managed to pull up just enough to avert total disaster.

The turtle skidded across the ice and settled amidst a number of angry men in togas. After pointing out that interrupting a Test was the height of boorishness, their leader, Maximinus, led them into an underground temple and sat them on any number of chaises lounge. He offered them tea and biscuits; ad while Xeno and Xoe were a bit apprehensive about meeting Trevor again, Eric was more than willing to taste of the large tray of psychedelic mushrooms the boy Clavdivs proffered. 

Soon after shoveling about half an ounce into his mouth, the world began to change for poor Eric. everything went all reggae,and he was soon confronted by Bob Marley himself. 

"What DO you want, mon?" he asked as a cloud of gray-green smoke issued forth from his mouth.

And then, and there, Eric saw everything at once. He'd broken through the great barrier - he'd stuck his head through one of those cracks in one of those universes. He was now talking to a HIGHer being. 

This was it. He had one shot - one question - one chance to get some clarification, some help from the Great Bob himself. One chance to find out something, anything that would help them end this madness, this chaos.

"Damn," he thought to himself as he felt the eyes of all the seasoned and weary campaigners boring into his back from the other where. "I better not fuck this up."

  

     

Episode 104: The Doors

Ben gathered everyone around the table to resume their "Dungeons & Dragons" session, but not before Thor himself barged into the room in a state of upset. The Starship Yggrasil had mysteriously changed course, and was now headed for the Chaos Star. Thor mistook Karl for one of the ship's crew and tried to rouse him to his duties. It didn't take long for Karl to convince him otherwise, however, and the Thunder God quickly moved on, leaving the group to resume their game...

Back on Skull Island, Xeno and Kobayashi returned to the island amid the distant rumblings of thunder. After an embarrassing attempt to scamper up the telescope, Xeno found himself being carried out of the observatory altogether, following Richard Simmons to parley with the chief of the pygmies. Inside a small, underground cavern, sitting next to THE PHILOSOPHER and staring into a smoky fire of coconut husks, sits KUNTA KENNEDY, chief of the pygmy tribe.

He warns the party that the impending storm will destroy the island, and that it is up to them to return to their ships and 'ride on the storm' to their next destination. He points out that the four visions that the group saw through the telescope were in fact four windows into their next reality - and that they must now move there and pass through four doors. Only then will they find the way to the end of the universe that they seek...

As the winds pick up and the crew scrambles back to the ship, a black wall of cloud and rain hurtles towards them, and it takes deft maneuvering and skillful deck surfing to get the ships pointed in the right direction in time.

Only imagine it's The Pinta...

Only it's not in time, and the ship is overcome by a gigantic wave and swamped by an enormous wall of water and everything goes black and wet and cold and raining and crashing and yelling and screaming at Spencer to get the damn window up already, didn't he see the giant black rain cloud and now everyone's soaked and Xoe is super pissed and the Philosopher is yelling and waving a waterlogged cigarette at him as...

He...

sees a green sign on the side of the road that says "Village of Camden" in white letters. The trees are all maples and oaks, and they're all golden orange and vermillion in the clearing light of autumn, somewhere. They are entering a small, quaint town in what would appear to be a brand new Ford Pinto. Takemiya notes that the inspection sticker is from New York State. The year is 1970.

Taken before the festival set up, obviously.

They approach the town's center, where a gazebo lurks amidst a Halloween festival on the town square. Costumed figures emerge from underneath awnings as the rain clears and the sun emerges. The party parks the car and is approached by a pair of school kids handing out flyers. They are for a Halloween concert at the high school...

Takemiya spots a figure that seems out of place amongst the costumed kids. A man in a Leonard Nimoy mask makes eye contact with him before ducking behind the gazebo. Takemiya attempts to spy him out by raising his detached head above the crowd, but only manages to raise an alarm as his head floats away. Only Xeno's quick balloon quip diverts and assuages.

That is, until the girl is found murdered on top of the mailbox. All hell breaks loose. The door flies open and Thor yells at Ben, 'ALL HANDS ON DECK! WE'RE ON A COLLISION COURSE WITH THAT DAMNED STAR!" People can be seen running up and down the hallway outside the break room. Klaxons are bonging, orders shouted. Ben takes a look out the porthole and turns back to the group. He assures them that they must get back to the game, but be pretty damned quick about it. The Philosopher freaks out and pulls away, leaving the others to sidle past the crime scene to catch up before making their way to the high school for the dance.

'Break on through' indeed...

There, the find that "THE DOORS" are indeed playing, and after a brief encounter with a chaperone and his family, make their way to the gym to face the music.

Once inside, Gigamesh and Spencer set about to 'amplify' the crowd's experience by enhancing both the sound and light systems. Kobayashi hears whispers of a 'secret message' contained in a Ray Stevens impersonator's second song - which turns out to be "She Came Through The Bathroom Window". It is then that Takemiya reflects on the synchronistic homophones "gym" and "john"...

Those wacky Dutch...

A small fracas develops when the Philosopher decides to hit on a shapely redhead and she turns out to be not only married, but carrying a newborn infant in her arms. Undeterred, the Philosopher presses forward with his advances, only to be met with a jealous husband and chaperone. Words are exchanged and the scene grows heated. the chap calls for the policeman on duty, but Kobayashi takes care of it by redirecting the cop into a crowd of hippie bystanders. The cop mistakes one of the bystanders for the original culprit and he draws his truncheon.

As a rather significant diversion has been created, the party quickly makes its way toward the boy's locker room in search of whatever nefarious activities that are soon to take place in the lavatory. A theft is contemplated...

Episode 103: Skull Island

While KOBAYASHI and XENO returned to the ship for "supplies", the rest of the crew explored SKULL ISLAND, and found that a long palisade, 10 feet in height, cut the island in two. On the far side, a large stone skull that resembled the QUANTUM LODESTONE held a drunken and teetering MECHALANCE. On the near side, a tribe of bongo-beating PYGMIES had gathered in front of the one gate in wall. On a scaffold in front of the gate, XOE stood, lashed to the beams and wearing the #2 maille from BILLY'S arena.

While GIGAMESH helped SPENCER over the fence, TAKEMIYA detached his head and flew over the fence, causing Mechalance to lose his footing and fall from the skull. After making sure he hadn't hurt himself too badly, Takemiya then circled back to where the pygmies were congregating, and delighted to see Xoe again. He buzzed the pygmies, and drove them back into the surf with cries of "WHEEEEEEE!!!!"

Gigamesh and Spencer ceased their attempt at wallclimbing, and joined the others at the gate in the palisade, where Mechalance soon arrived to open the gate that was, in fact, barred from his side.

Lance proceeded to show the group the skull, which was in fact an ancient OBSERVATORY, complete with a stationary telescope. He put on some barbecue, served drinks, and the group passed the hours before nightfall making merry and dining on pulled pygmy.

When night arrived, Lance made some guarded comments about what he had already seen in the telescope. The group, expressing certain reservations, decided to take a look for themselves.

Spencer peered into the eyepiece and saw a KALEIDOSCOPE which revealed twisting, turning colors; and as he pulled away he found himself in an orange AMC Gremlin with three others, apparently lost on their way back to Woodstock '99 at Griffiss Air Force Base in Rome, New York. The group stops to ask directions from a man who bears a striking resemblance to portraits of the anglicized Jesus. The man is walking his dog and offers the group amiable assistance. Art, from the back seat, offers half an eight of mushrooms as a thanks. As the car pulls away, Spencer's eye returns to the kaleidoscope for a few moments - but when he next pulls himself away, he has returned to the observatory, much to his dismay and wonder.

Gigamesh found himself looking through a RIFLE SCOPE at a window casement, where he could catch the occasional glimpse of LEE HARVEY OSWALD. Hearing the motorcade approaching, he prepares to take out Oswald, discovers he's wearing the traditional garb of a 33RD DEGREE FREEMASON and misses. Other shots are fired, screams are heard, and he flees down the staircase of the DALLAS COUNTY RECORDS BUILDING and back into the observatory, much to his dismay and wonder.

Takemiya took a look and found himself peering at cells under a MICROSCOPE. The cells turned out to belong to his wife, Marie, who had contracted cancer from an unsafe attempt at replicating COSMIC BACKGROUND RADIATION. The test had relied heavily on CHAOS THEORY to emulate the first moments after the Big Bang, but a 'bleeding redshift' during the experiment caused a cascading overload in the Dyson matrix and Marie was inundated with protocosmic rays. Takemiya took one last look at the cancerous cells, and as Marie asked if anything could be done, he sat up and found himself sitting at the telescope with a heavy heart.

Xoe was the last to look, and as she stood on tiptoes to peer through the viewer, she saw what looked like tiny insects chewing tunnels through a gray, spongy material. As she dialed back the viewfinder, the words "HELP ME" written in a flowing script resolved themselves out of the insect's tunnel. Other creatures appeared, each chewing the same message. As Xoe pulled away from the eyepiece, she found herself holding an OTOSCOPE, and saw that the messages she had seen were in fact being written on the brain of the elderly man in what appeared to be her doctor's office. The old man then complained about fatigue, listlessness, and an overall desire to end his own life. He, in his own words, "can't take much more of this" and asks Xoe for help. She takes one more look inside the ailing man’s mind before finding herself back at the observatory.

As the party sits and quietly finishes the rest of the pulled pygmy and vodka, Mechalance reveals that his look into the telescope revealed a horrible, lurid star in the night sky - one that seemed to be three colors at once. It appeared to be crawling with hideous, tentacular forms and gave him "the heebie jeebies", the only cure for which seemed to be vodka gimlet after vodka gimlet.

Episode 102: Starship Yggdrasil

DAVID awoke in a barnyard, where he found himself under the mad, watchful eye of THE GOAT OF CHAOS, who was standing on the roof of a 1959 Buick Electra. David fled to the barn, and after hiding himself in a hayloft, he gathered up a pitchfork and awaited some sort of an assault by the goat. When it never materialized, David emerged from his hiding place to find BEN FIRENZE trapped inside of the Buick, and David hid once more.

Ben, however, had some difficulty extracting himself from the vehicle, and David ignored his pleas for help. In fact, David attempted to flee to the roof of the barn, only to find that the Goat had beaten him there...

It was then that the Goat's mad eyes held David in their grip, and but for a voice urging him to 'let go', David surely would have been lost to all that was Madness and Chaos.

But David finally relaxed, let himself go, and found himself released from the Goat's mortal grip. He was now on the ground, sharing a glass of spiked lemonade with Ben, who began to tell him of how he had tracked XENO THE GNOME to this place, and how he thought that Xeno had broken the Universe...

When Xeno and the NAUTILOIDS had disappeared from the skies over PORT HARBOR, Ben immediately began looking for answers as to what had just occurred. Almost immediately, he discovered a strange blurring, or doubling, in the TEMPORAL PRIME. Curious as to what was causing this, Ben continued searching for Xeno, Xoe, Madmartigan and the monks - only to find their timeline no longer continuing from the point of the disappearance.

The Temporal Prime - Before Xeno

As the days of searching passed, the  blurring on the Temporal Prime worsened, until it became apparent that fully developed, separate universes were being replicated. Ben later learned that these universes were coming into being at regular intervals, not unlike shock waves traveling out from a common source - in this case, Port Harbor itself.

Ben's hard work eventually paid off, and he located Xeno's timeline - inexplicably multiplied in n dimensions. He eventually found the terminus of the main timeline, only instead of finding the arrogant gnome he knew so well, Ben found a gibbering, paranoid, middle-aged human holding a broom handle. David, still clinging fiercely to what little sanity he had left, agreed to Ben's suggestion of rejoining the rest of the party, and soon found himself in what looked like a HoJo's continental breakfast lounge. Sitting at a table were Karl, David, Alex and Josh.

The Temporal Prime - After Xeno

After much debate, explanation and gibbering, it was determined that the party had to seek out the end of the Universe so that the true, unbroken one could be restored to primacy. "Tying the knot" - or resolving all the multiple timelines - was the first solution suggested. But David also learned of the prophecy of St. Quentin - whereas the world will end when God is slain by a weapon made of sapient pearwood. Bells went off, and this fact, coupled with the standing wager on deicide for DCM, led everyone to sit up and come up with a plan.

Everyone filed into the Gift Shop.

After filling up on sapient pearwood letter openers and a box of D&D dice (no one had enough cash for the "I Really Diggdrasil Yggdrasil" t-shirts), everyone returned to the breakfast lounge to play D&D. Ben, after some coaching from Alex, agreed to DM the group, and they all sat down to resume the hunt. Luckily for them, Josh's Quantum Lodestone confirmed for everyone that they were on the right track when it started humming and thrumming at Ben...

The next thing they knew, the party was on the deck of a sailing ship - one of three, in fact. It would seem that Agatha, Dashiell and Arthur had made the journey as well, and Rodant too. Agatha informed the group that they were on their way to Skull Island, following the thrumming lodestone towards the next step on their path to the Chaos Star and the end of the Universe as they know it...

Episode 101: Funeral in Hel

When the floor fell out from beneath the party as they were talking to the prospector, everyone fell in accordance with their own path in life. Kobayashi fell into the Underworld in order to face his adverse approach to healing and, not surprisingly gave himself a fatal dose of gangrene as he tried to reattach (read: heal) the severed finger he lost in the belly of a snow leopard back in Aqua Sulis.

Xeno fell in order to come to terms with his dealings with Chaos and, well, messed up a very large solar constuctor array and effectively 'broke' a star, launching a "chaos star" somewhere into the multiverse - just before meeting his demise at the hand of a race he had at once learned to hate with the hatiest of hates.

Gigamesh fell in order to come to terms with his own endearing benevolence as applied to trust issues, i.e., what happens when you hang out altruistically with the wrong sort of people, i.e., Xeno. For in just a few short months weeks days daze Gigamesh has been transported, transmogrified, deified and pulled into an entirely new universe - all as a punishment for helping a few people out of a dungeon all those many whatevers ago.

When Spencer fell, it was into a quiet, peaceful chapel. He was all alone, save for a few rows of chairs and a radiant column of soft blue light. The column gave of a pulsating, thrumming sound. It was comforting. relaxing. For the first time in - in a while, anyway - he was not under duress.

Spencer then discovered a set of doors leading out of the chapel - and into a long hallway. Three doors on each side of the hall, a barred set of double doors opposite. Each of the side doors led to a reception room, containing couches, chairs and... a casket. As Spencer walked up to the first casket he completely failed to notice that his hands had become flesh - even as he reached towards the first casket to open it.

As he slowly raised the lid, he was more than a little surprised to find it contained... Karl.

"Hey, man."
"Hey."
"What you doing in this casket?"
"I'm in a casket?"
"Yeah."

It was then that Karl asked Josh where they were.

"Wait, I'm Josh?" Josh asked no one in particular. "Yes," no one in particular replied.

Josh and Karl then proceeded to the next room, where the opened the third casket and found Alex. Then Alex's brother Eric. Then David.

By now everyone was getting a bit confused and more than a little creeped out. The last two caskets proved to be empty.

Displayed next to each casket was a painting, and all six paintings were different. One contained a tree, another, a scarecrow. The Kabbalah was represented, as was a crucifixion by Grunewald...

As the five humans debated what was in fact happening, something smashed through one of the windows hidden behind the casket in one of the rooms. A large, footlong 100-legged slugbeetle was lying on its back, squirming helplessly. Karl immediately picked up a chair and went to dispatch the beast, as Davis sidled over to the window to see what was outside.

And there, in a dark alley some 15 feet below the window, stood Count Fundus. But in the pale, ashen light of some hidden moon, David could tell all was not well with with their nemesis. As David called to the others to come see, the count spoke in an eerily rasping voice.

"I've got a message for you, and you're not going to like it. Pray for death."

As the group watched, Fundus' body split open, allowing hundreds of crawling vermin to cascade onto the alley floor, revealing the body of a smaller, darker figure - that of Chang Kai Eel.

"Damn."
"Aw, shit."
"Fuuuu-"

David called down to Eel (rather bravely, in my estimation) and asked: "Are you the message?"

"No," hissed Chang. "I am the weapon. And my Black Orcs are the ammunition. KILL THEM!"

SUDDENLY, from behind Eel in the darkness of the alley, charged dozens of black-clad orcs, firing arrows at the window. David ducked behind the casket as a stream of evil-looking arrows flew over and around him, some being barely blocked by the casket.

At the same time, a giant red rooster charged into the hallway outside the room and, barking and clucking, grabbed Eric and dragged him by his hoodie towards the chapel. Alex, Josh and a chair-wielding Karl gave chase and eventually scared the rooster of at the door of the chapel itself. Eric was unharmed, but now that David had crawled out of the arrow-riddled room, everyone agreed that a hasty retreat was in order.

The chapel itself proved a dead end, as a handful of chicken feathers at the base of the column of blue light was the only new bit of evidence to turn up. tree roots could be seen at the top of the column, but they were too high to access by anything other than magical means. Like, perhaps stepping into the light while holding a feather in one's hand, for example...

The group then fled to the other end of the hall and through the barred double doors. They discovered a shallow lobby, with another set of barred doors ahead, and two set of stairs leading up and behind them to either side. David and Karl were debating the wisdom of just heading out the front doors when the issue was answered for them by a barrage of black arrows piercing both doors and nearly pricking the both of them.

So upstairs they fled, only to find themselves in a seemingly endless hallway flanked by row upon row of caskets. the roof of this hallway consisted entirely of tree roots and damp earth. Eric stopped to explore a casket, with grim results, but the sounds of the front doors being broken in caused make haste and start to climb.

David was the first to the top, but as soon as he touched a root, it slithered around his wrist and pulled him up and into the ceiling. Josh scurried up to follow, but Alex told him to wait. Alex found that he had his cellphone in his pocket, and he dialed David's number...

*ring*
*ring*
*ring*
*ring*
"Hello?"
"David? It's Alex. Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine - just a little squeezed for space.... I seem to be still moving upwards through the ground..."
"Cool. We're right behind you."

The others followed and allowed themselves to be sucked up into the ceiling just in time. Well, almost just in time. Karl took an arrow up through his foot. :/

The party ended up surfacing at the bottom of a wide, earthen bowl-like depression. Clambering up the sides, they found the bowl was ringed around with a sort of open hallway, with windows facing out in all directions. The windows opened up into what looked like the night sky - except there was no ground, buildings or anything - just the infinitely jeweled curtain of space. And off in the distance, flaring into existence like a cosmic opal was a twinkling, flittering, multi-hued star...

The Chaos Star.