An Illicit Sense of Foreboding...

Episode 20: The Mission to Eldritch Mountain!

Everyone was healed. The ship was ready. The journey to Eldritch Mountain could begin. But first, a little swing by ‘The Floating Isle” to see if Mad Jack McMad’s tip about a sighting of the Mind Flayer ship was in order…

As Der Chelonian approached the Isle, the all-too-keen-eyed Takemiya spied a thin plume of smoke rising up from the middle of the island, between the two forested peaks. As the ship drew closer, Saladin could detect some faint background psionic static, and immediately the crew took up battle stations.

The ship took to the air for a flyover, and while the crew found a crash site, Takemiya picked up voices with his telepathic powers – voices that could see Der Mobile. Paranoia quickly took over, and the crew was soon raining white-hot death down upon the site of the crashed nautiloid.

As the smoke cleared (and infravision normalized), the inhabitants of the island revealed themselves to be the Death Commandos from the Hammer of Grapthar. Gollum, Li’l Sauron, Object, Aaa’oo’aaa, and Velva had not only survived the crash (and a ship full of illithids), but were in fact the ones who had killed of the mind flayers in the first place. Der Mobile gratefully gave the Commandos a lift and made their way to Guildenstern to rendezvous with Elof the Singing Blacksmith.

While Xeno dealt with Elof, the saw blades and a commodity to be named later, Iryien and Xoe headed up Eldritch Mountain for a little scouting mission. On the way, they found malevolent and rudely-stacked cairns marking the trail. Both felt strange, maternal urges as they climbed towards the temple. And just as Xoe had reached the rocky summit and laid her eyes on the temple for the first time, she turned to see a nude Iryien prancing about, doing some sort of interpretive dance whilst clutching a large golden carrot and smearing herself with rabbit droppings.

While this sight stunned Xoe, it was nothing when compared to the shock she felt at seeing Iryien quiver, shimmer, then disappear mid-leap. Xoe had seen enough for one scouting mission, and raced down the mountain to tell the others.

Sitting around Elof’s forge, the men folk had taken to quaffing some ale; but Xeno suddenly choked, and a well-placed Heimlich from Kobayashi shot a gallon of beer and a ninja-shaped voodoo doll out of Xeno’s esophagus. “Strange,” said everyone, but when Xeno came to, drew his swords and began cursing an unseen ghost, everyone took it as a sign of things actually being pretty normal.

The Ghost of Pomegranate Chen made a brief appearance, sucked face with (and 7 years off the life of) Xeno, then disapparated before Saladin could get a perusal through the Psionic Handbook in edgewise.

And with that, Xeno took off to the ship for a nap.

It was then agreed that Xeno should be escorted to Marguerite to see if she could unhaunt him; but alas, before they could even offload in Rosencrantz, the Ghost of Pomegranate Chen returned to slay the Harbormaster, bewilder Saladin and trick Xeno into crippling three Sulians with a blast of Crushing Despair…

So far the Mission is NOT going according to plan…

Episode 19: The Anniversary

It was early morning. Xeno and Saladin had been up all night, playing with the Deck of Many Things. They had all their limbs intact. Xoe instantly knew that something must be wrong.

There was a knock at the door.

It was Death.

"TAKEMIYA SMITH?"

Saladin stepped back and allowed the zombielike Takemiya shuffle to the door.

"YOU. OUTSIDE. NOW."

Takemiya followed Death out the door and into the sunlight. Xeno and Xoe took up positions on the couch. Blankets were pulled up over heads. Saladin and Iryien looked on with curious trembling.

As Takemiya followed Death up the path that led from the building, the ground trembled, and a great bone coliseum rose up from the atari, cutting the two of them off from the rest of the world. Hoots and screeches issued forth from the skeletal crowd. Death turned to face him.

"YOU FIRST, SMITH."

As the monk moved in to strike at Deaths nether regions, Saladin hurried up the tunnel that led into the coliseum. He could see that Takemiya was in some trouble, and wanted to help...

Death deftly sidestepped the monk and slashed him across the back with his scythe. Takemiya immediately sent his helmet shooting up int the air and Death followed it, clanging his scythe off the magical metal and sending pretty amber sparks flying.

By this time, Saladin had arrived in the circle and was immediately confronted with *POP!* a Death of his own to fight. Luckily, before he could get TOO killed, Takemiya's body grew to 40 feet tall, picked up Saladin "Fay Wray-style" and started hauling him up and out of the coliseum.

Meanwhile, Helmet decided to kamikaze Death, and the dice favored him. Death #1 was cleft in twain by the speeding Helmet, each half falling to the ground on either side of the crater that had now become Helmet's new home.

Saladin manage to wrest Death #2's scythe from him and break it in half, and in a surge of self delusion made to destroy the other Death's scythe. But as Saladin struggled with the right half of Death's body as it hung onto the scythe for dear death, Saladin transformed himself into a hawk, taking Death (or 49% of him) and his scythe with him in the transformation.

The coliseum disappeared, and a rather confused and embarrassed Death #2 slipped quietly away, mumbling to himself.

Takemiya's body rejoined with Helmet while Saladin went of to be ALONE WITH HIS THOUGHTS... which frightened him more than a little.

There was a hilarious bit with a canary, but if you weren't there it doesn't really translate.

Oh, and not to be outweirded, Xoe played with The Deck.

Strange things are now afoot at the DCM. Stay tuned for...

RETURN TO ELDRITCH MOUNTAIN!

Dungeon Master's Support Group

There is a tavern in the multiverse unlike no other: gamers aren't allowed, the wenches be perfectly buxom and the drinks aren't watered down.

It be the Dungeon Master's Bar & Grille.

DMs from everywhere gather here to swap stories of brilliant campaigns and particulary well-drawn frontier maps.

There is a saying at the DMB&G: "Why do my best players have the worst ideas?"

Another one goes: "Why do my worst players have the most brilliant ones?"

It is at this point that DMs usually just shake their heads and go back to playing whist.

The Gem of Recording...

That night, the last night of the Week of Peace, Ben Firenze comes calling to DCM HQ...

"I've finally unlocked the Gem," he says with a flourish. "It took some doing, I don't mind saying... Whoever created this item didn't want it to be tampered with. But a series of divinations, hyperspatial delvings and a minimacromicroscope were needed to glean the pass word to unlock the Gem and listen to its contents."

"What's a minimacromicroscope?" asked Saladin.

"Its a device I created to look at something very bigly, as if I were quite small," He glanced at Xeno, barely supressing a grin. "By projectinig the gem's surface into fourth-dimensional inverse-space and simultaneously retrojecting myself into obverse-space, I found..."

"You found what, exactly?" Xeno interrupted with gnomish contempt.

"I found the pass word engraved on the bottom of the stone!" Ben couldn't quite hide his glee.

"Give me that," Xeno swiped the gem fromk Ben and held it up to the light. "Hey! There IS a word here. And it's gnomish!"

"That's the second weirdest thing I discovered..."

"Efilnikufesin!" cried Xeno, and the Gem started to speak...

"Gallumbits"

The sound of footsteps... a door opens.

"Ah, Ragnar. Do come in. Have we heard from Voletare?"

"Not yet, my Count. But I have arranged payment for the statues at the designated place. They will comply. They are writers, after all. They need the coin."

"Excellent. my Master will be pleased. He believes these statues could be very promising, very promising indeed."

"Could you refresh my memory as to whom your master is?"

"What a queer question, Ragnar. Are you feeling quite alright?"

"No, actually, I do not. This mission to the Outer Planes has me worried. I've never enjoyed travelling there. The people give me the creeps."

"Worry not, Ragnar. Lemuria is so caught up in herself she'll never notice one painting missing. The plan is airtight. Have you got the cube?"

"Yes, my Count."

"Good. Now get back to DCM before they notice you're gone. I don't want anything upsetting our plan. Rest assured, Master Eel will reward you most handsomely for your work."

"Are you sure he won't have me double-crossed? He's done it before..."

"Relax. Its not like I'm going to just have you shot once you hand over the painting. That would be just too trite... haha."

More footsteps, and a door opening and closing.

"Eccentrica."

A few moments of silence follow, and then...

"....hehehe. Just don't ask TOO obvious a question. We need him to mention Chang, not to get suspicious."

"Just play it cool, Ragnar. Like you always do."

"You can count on me, Xoe... Oh, by Grunther's Beard, this thing's still on. Eccentrica!"