Episode 17: Sucking Chest Wound

No sooner had the chunks of dragon blubber hit the beach than Xeno and Xoe had a plan. Crates were packed with ice and the bits of white dragon were preserved for a trip to Maeda. Der Chelonian was tricked out, with the dual sawblade-slinger taking the place of the forward ballista. The ballista was in turn moved astern alongside the Frost Giant King's Crossbow of Accuracy, which had been modified with a C-clamp mount, allowing it to be moved and mounted anywhere along the railing of the ship.

Meanwhile, Maximinus threw a fete for the crew while Clavdivs took Iryien's measurements for a statue to grace the center of Aquae Sulis. "Gilded platinum", requested Iryien...

Healing, modification and pickling complete, the two ships took off for Maeda to find a tanner. What they also found was an ally who came knocking on the cabin door - a man named Macro, who warned the crew that a man by the name of Abdullah Faloon was on the moon, and if he found Xeno, things would get really bad, really fast. He then proceeded to 'refresh his memory', informing him that he (Xeno) had swindled Falloon out of Der Mobile in a crooked game of Cripple Mister Onion, and that there was a substantial bounty on his head, whether attached to the rest of his body or not.

In a moment of sublime prudence, the crew of Der Mobile chose to slip off of Maeda as quickly as possible and intercept the shipful of Mind Flayers that was in orbit around Atari. This was the same ship that had, a few nights before, threatened the crew from above and demanded the pearwood tree.

The nautoloid was found and battle was joined.

Too bad Saladin didn't look closely at the Crossbow of Accuracy. If he had, he would've seen the button, a very small button and made of Wvuntoorian Antler, that had engraved on it in very small characters "Presse ye thiss buttone fyrst."

The explosion could be heard even below decks. Takemiya winced at the helm. Kobayashi arrived to find Saladin doing his best impression of Carslbad Caverns, his massive ribcage open for all to see. It wasn't so much a case of 'stopping the bleeding' as 'finding his other lung'.

If they could just keep him alive long enough to get to the Hammer, their Medicus could do something for him, without a doubt.

OK, maybe with just a few doubts...

Where we're at...

Little calender not working, so here's the updated timeline...

See you tonight!

Episodes 16 & 17: The Battle Begins.. and Ends

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. But even worser still were the die rolls, improbable plans and accidental disintegrations that threatened to thwart Der Mobiles defence of Aquae Sulis. For even as the Tootlers marched into the center of the city, Iryien's charges were unleashed on the plumbing of the poor defenseless spa town; before long, Yon Steaming Puddle was formed - a steaming pool of dubious wetness that threatened the balance of the battle.

Next, Der Mobile was launched into the fray - and while crossbow bolts missed everything in sight, dropping kettles of hardened pitch turned out to be the ship's most effective means of harassing the enemy.

And on top of all that, every third member of Der Mobile seemed to get himself captured or spirited away to the lair of the Frost Giants. Things were looking grim.

Now, Iryien did now possess the single most destructive piece of alien hardware ever seen in the city, and had the Gods decided to leave her dice alone, she could've ended the battle rather quickly, and single-handedly to boot. But it was not to be, and many Sulians died.

But then something happened to turn the tide on the invaders...

Takemiya decided to teleport the ship.

Suddenly, the invaders were defenders and lost members joined in the fray. Xeno began a campaign of fearsome hamstringing. Saladin began being really nasty to women. And Takemiya turned Der Mobile into a Cuisinart.

By the time Der Mobile had secured the ice cave, help had arrived in the form of a heavily armored Hammership. As Gorth would later relate to the crew of Der Mobile as they combed the beaches for chunks of white dragon blubber, they had arrived at Der Mobile HQ with the recently-refitted Hammer of Grapthar when they were met by a man who introduced himself as a friend of Xoe. He seemed to be expecting them, and hastily explained that he had it from a reliable source that Xoe and her crew were in deep trouble, and that they were to hasten to a rift in a glacier some 50 miles north of a city known as Aquae Sulis. The gentleman gave him explicit directions to the city and produced a letter, written by Xeno, stating that the gentleman was a partner and confederate of Der Mobile's and was to be trusted without question.

Gorth then set off to the rescue, promising bodily harm to the gentleman if his warnings proved false. But in the end, it all worked out - blood was spilled, booty had and everyone was rescued.

Except some of Iryien's Sulians, of course.